Monday, April 5, 2010

Monday Blowup

Today has been tough. I have been fairly lax on Ruslan and decided I needed to take a stand on at least one issue. I had asked that he use sheets on the bed to sleep last night and he declined. I gave him the option of sheets and tv tomorrow, or no sheets and no tv. He decided no sheets.

Monday morning we wake up and he goes straight for the tv. I ask that he turn it off and he declined. I turn it off myself. Battle lines are drawn. Ruslan digs in. For the next 2 hours he locks himslef in his room. I realize after a while that he has the tv back on. I pursuade him to unlock his door. He does. I take the television out of his room. As he closes the door I say please dont close. He tells me not to worry because he wont lock it. I decide ok. Guess what, he locks it!

The response I wanted to say "fine, no internet for the rest of the day". Instead I take a different road and ask him to talk. After a half hour he comes out and says fine. We act like nothing happenned, but later I tell him that we need to listen to each other, etc,etc.

We needed to go downtown, exchange some money, and pay for the computer and internet for the orphanage (Part of the gift from people who donated!). Ruslan was impatient the entire time, complaining that his knees hurt (but he was jumping all over things) and saying we need to take a taxi. After paying for the computer stuff we hit the sports store for some other things for the orphanage. The situation was getting worse and Ruslan was very impatient. He hit his tipping point when I declined to buy him something. Let's just say that he has a lot on his mind and maybe a little nervous/apprehensive/confused/mad/sad/etc,etc about everything. He is in a very tough spot right now and I need to work hard not to let him get closer to the edge. It's been tough. At this point a better strategy maybe just to get him home to california then put my foot down.

Wish me luck.


Greg said...

Good Luck pal. It's hard to be the pillar of strength when you've been through so much yourself in the past few months.

I'm sure you're way ahead of me, but maybe go find a healthy release. I know you do your workouts in the park. DO they have any of those Russian baths around? You know the ones where you sit in a steam room for a few hours then they bend and stretch you in all sorts of weird ways?

Greg said...

So,I went looking on the interwebz and typed "Russian baths near Melitopol" into Google. I was returned a few links for places in New York City oddly enough, and then the next few hits were for Russian mail order brides. Check out this profile for "Viktoria" From Melitopol. I never thought I could distinctly hear a Russian accent in type until I read her profile.

So I guess this really happens. People order wives.

Jefferson Hunt said...

I remember it all. Our son, Kole, used to have crying spells during which he'd cry and whine and pout. My wife and I were calm and stoic. Our translator, also Svetlana from Nikolaev, finally gave in to him one particular day and bought him a Harry Potter wand and chess piece. The chess piece made it home, but the wand is still probably rolling around in the back of the taxi. Here at home, my wife and I have settled on a plan: we explain what we expect (at home and at school), when we don't get it, Kole loses a privilege. However, he'd been taking advantage. He loses TV one day, GameCube the next, he's still got TV. He'd be good one day, bad the next. So, I made it an all or nothing he has nothing. I think, since he came from having nothing, it's not all that bad to have nothing if he can act the way he wants. But, I can't physically hurt him (spankings) because he'd been hurt by his Ukrainian parents. Good luck; it's a wonderful adventure. Still, I can't say enough about routine. Love reading your adventures and reminiscing.

Marla said...

Hang in there! You guys are great parents...I'm sure you can't wait to be home and in to your routine!

Zenon said...

Thanks for the input everyone. The plan right now is to throw parenting out the window and focus on getting home.

brianna said...

That's a good plan. I can't imagine how conflicted Ruslan might feel. I'm sure it will be challenging even when you get back, but at least you'll be home and Ruslan will be surrounded by his family who love him. You have been through so much.

Heidi and Felix said...

I agree - it's ok to wait to take a stand on some things until you get home. You don't want to totally freak him out. I never felt like we were going to get our kids home until they were on the plane in Kiev! Good luck!

Can you email me off-blog? heidiroge @